


A Message of Feathers and Bone

by orphan_account



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: From the whole crew, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Minor Keyleth/Vax'ildan (Critical Role), Percival is comforting, Vax'ildan Lives (Critical Role), Vax’ildan deserves love, Vox Machina as Family - Freeform, Wings, hes been through some shit for them, rivalry? What rivalry, vox machina - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-25
Updated: 2020-04-25
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:49:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23835676
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: In which Vax first gets his wings.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 69





	A Message of Feathers and Bone

**Author's Note:**

> Hey all!  
> This is a super self-indulgent story with a whole lot a pain and also some fluffy comfort at the end. It’s more descriptive than I make most of my other stories so be wary I guess???
> 
> In other words words if blood is a trigger for you please please turn away.
> 
> Also there’s a hefty amount of swearing in this one.
> 
> Title comes from “Far from Home (The Raven)” by Sam Tinnesz.
> 
> _I'm sending a message  
>  Of feathers and bone  
> Just let me know I'm not forgotten  
> Out here alone  
> The air is cold  
> The night is long  
> I feel like I might fade into the dawn  
> Fade until I'm gone_

Vax’ildan had thought the extent of the Raven Queen’s blessing was sending him back to live with and watch over his companions until they passed. He’d spent quite some time with Her, in Her realm; time passed differently, there, and some days felt like years, where others felt like seconds. He’d lost track after a while.

When he gave himself to Her for his sister, Vax hadn’t even considered the fact that he’d be alone with Her for an eternity. Even that statement was generous... She was always busy tending to her Godly business, leaving him to find a way to amuse himself until she called for him. He watched his friends, sometimes. Others, he let his focus wander to a simple stranger. But the more he watched, the more he longed. He grew lonely.

After a discussion brought about by the Raven Queen accusing him of regretting his decision and shouting at him for growing bored with Her, Vax assured Her that no, he didn’t regret his decision at all, it was just that  _ mortals have an innate desire to interact with others.  _ She’d studied him for a moment, then told him something he’d never thought to hear, that she would send him back to be with his friends until they could join him, if they so wished. And thus he awoke in the middle of the forest outside of Whitestone, spending nearly the whole night stumbling and getting used to _walking_ again and, eventually, ending up on the doorstep of the palace.

So, here he was, a few months later.

Vax had given his thanks to his patron every evening before allowing himself to sleep, never asking for a single thing because he was too grateful for what he already head. _Never_ asking .

Except for tonight.

A new enemy had shown up fairly soon after his return and, upon being defeated, claimed he would be back with a force the Vox Machina would never stand a chance against, and disappeared. He hadn’t been lying, it seemed; Percy came scrambling into the sitting room at about half past eleven, shouting about how one of his contraptions had spotted a very large army headed right in their direction, about a week out. Vax was pretty sure they were destined to fail, from what Percy had said.

So while the rest of the Vox Machina was in the armory, creating battle plans, Vax was in his room, on his knees. 

Never asking, before tonight.

He didn’t say that, but he knew he was thinking it, and that meant that She knew, too. “I’ve only been loyal to you.” He didn’t know what he was asking for. “If this is my time, again, then so be it.” He wasn’t sure if She’d answer. “But please, if fate will step aside for a moment, to let them live...” He shouldn’t be asking anyway. “Just give me a way to help them.”

Vax was greeted with silence. He wasn’t sure what he expected, really; some flash of light and a miracle. An image in his head of the army dead. A message of suggestion. But until he gained at least a  _No_ ,  he wasn’t going to stand.

Vax knew he was overstepping, he knew he’d asked enough of her already. Which is why he nearly broke down when he felt Her familiar touch at the back of his neck. Her cold fingertips like glass against his skin, the feathers brushing across sending a shiver down his spine. He couldn’t see Her, but he knew She was there.  _ You ask for my help. After all that I have already done for you. _

Vax’s stance grew slack, a small sob pressing past his lips. “I will come with you. I will not ask for anything again. Any price to pay, but please, I cannot bear to watch them die, not... not yet.”

_ I am not unreasonable, Vax’ildan. I gave you a promise. I will keep it. _

A sudden sharp prick pinched at the back of his neck, where Her fingertips lay. He had no idea what She could have possibly done, but a second later, the comfort of her hand was gone. A feather drifted down to the ground next to him, landing softly on the floor. Vax was left kneeling in the silence, awaiting something that... well, he had no clue what it was.

He slowly began to get to his feet. Perhaps it was something he wouldn’t see. The army, all dead. He reached out to open his door, then his fingers froze inches above the handle. The sharp feeling at his neck had dulled to pins and needles, but now it was starting to spread, across his shoulders and down his back. She wasn’t speaking to him anymore, but he had a feeling that, whatever her gift was, it had to do with this.

Vax became suddenly aware of the uncomfortable scratching of his tunic against his back and he stumbled back into the middle of his room, fumbling with his belt and just trying to  _ get it off.  _ The pain that followed just a few seconds later was so sudden and so overwhelming that he couldn’t bite back the sharp cry that it warranted. He’d toppled over and was now on his side on the floor, shivers racking his form as a dull ache between his shoulder blades lingered. A calming hand brushed against his cheek.  _ Patience, my champion. _

The aching began to get worse, gradually, and Vax’s nerves lit on fire as a sharp shifting sensation took over in his back, his bones aching as if they were moving and scraping underneath his skin. A drawn out groan pressed through his gritted teeth. He trusted the Raven Queen, and so if Her gift to him also came with some pain, he wouldn’t question it, yet even still. He could hardly breathe.

Vax had thought the pain couldn’t get any worse, but he couldn’t possibly have been more wrong. The shifting ended, giving the briefest moment of welcome relief, but in its place came something else. If he didn’t know better, he’d think someone was grabbing his shoulders and ripping his skin apart, though somehow, this was like something was tearing him open from inside. His back arched against the floor, a wheezing gasp shuddering through him, gripping hopelessly at the floor out of some sort of instinct. Unwarranted, his voice came back to him in an inhuman howl leaping forth from his lips. 

If the Vox Machina hadn’t heard his first cry and taken off towards his room, they’d surely be on their way now. Vax could only hope he wasn’t too much of a mess when they arrived.

_ Please, please, I know what I asked for, but surely the cost isn’t this—this... _

He could feel something pulling at layer after layer of his flesh from the inside, scraping away at muscle and skin alike, with no regard for—for  _ anything _ . It was  _torture_.

He still couldn’t breathe, but somehow, he was screaming nonetheless, throat scratchy from such harsh use. Vax almost thought that death at the hands of their enemy would be better than this.

Whatever was ripping away at him, it finally broke through, puncturing the last layer of his skin with a sensation like fire, and ice, like he’d been stabbed a hundred times, burned, scratched, all at once...

The pain dulled to something a little closer to manageable and Vax’s knees drew up to his chest, sobs forcing their way past his defenses that had crumbled moments before. He was aware that he was laying in a pool of his own blood, aware of the wounds that were bound to kill him if he didn’t get treated, aware of his scrabbling fingertips on the tile below him, aware—aware... but he couldn’t get himself to  _move_.  If laying still hurt this much, then, Gods help him, he couldn’t even fathom how it would be to try to sit, to stand, to pull at his muscles and skin that had already been forcefully torn, maimed—The door to his left slammed open.

Vax couldn’t even get his gaze to focus long enough to find out who it was. Someone was shouting, he thought he heard his name past the pounding of blood in his ears, and maybe he did, but he was too preoccupied with willing the pain away to even care. Then—

Cool hands on his cheeks, turning his head up, offered him solace from the pain, somehow, and he released the smallest of breaths, leaning into the comfort. Something lit up at the edges of his vision, and the sounds echoing around his skull slowly subsided, the dark clouds over his vision disappearing from view. “Vax...” a voice was softly calling to him. “...to me? Hey.” 

His vision swam into something vaguely focused, and he recognized the small form of Pike kneeling in front of him. He tried to say her name, to ask for help, but his words just came out slurred and jumbled.

“Breathe for me, Vax,” she ordered, exaggerating her own breaths for him to follow.

He shifted ever so slightly, and what followed, he couldn’t—a pained sound let itself loose from his throat. Vax shook his head, desperately trying to follow Pike’s lead but his mind was all too focused on the  _ache_ ,  the sharp heat all across his shoulders and back, waning pain from his skin being forced to stretch and tear beyond its limits and leaving behind a constant throbbing that he couldn’t decide whether it was better or  _worse_.

Something sudden and short cut across his cheek, and he realized belatedly that Pike had slapped him, but he locked his eyes with her, conveying his desperation, the pain, his need for  _help_ ,  Pike, do something,  _please_...  She gestured towards herself and drew in another breath, raising her head and puffing out her chest to make sure he was following her, then lowering it as she exhaled.

Vax shook from the exertion, jaw quivering, but he obeyed, thinking only about the slow drawing in of precious oxygen, the spread of relief in his lungs that he didn’t even know were aching, ignoring the scratch of air against his hoarse throat. Vax did his best to follow.

“Nngh...” Vax let himself breathe in again, then mumbled the only coherent words he could manage through his next exhale.

“...f’kin hurts...”

“I know, I know, and I hate to say it but it’s not over yet...” Her voice sounded pained, as if it hurt her to give him bad news.

Vax wasn’t sure he’d survive any longer with the pain like before.  _ I shouldn’t have asked. I’m sorry. Please, don’t punish me further, I’ve learned my lesson... _

He gained no response. No words, no comforting touch, nothing. He didn’t even want to know what he could possibly look like. Skin torn apart, blood staining his back, and the floor around him, tears on his cheeks...

“What the  _ fuck happened?”  _ A new voice demanded, this one deep, masculine, with a slight ringing accent on the vowels.

Percy.

Pike pulled away from him and stood, the comfort of her hands leaving his cheeks and forcing a sudden feeling of dread and loneliness to the front of his mind.  _Stop it_ ,  he chided himself. He strained his ears to hear whatever it was that Pike was saying, but she was speaking in such a low tone that all he could make out was vague sound of her voice. Then Percy inhaled sharply.

Vax was tired.

Probably from the stressful past few moments, moments that felt like hours, like  _days_ ,  but he was  _ exhausted _ . Pike would scold him, he knew, but he couldn’t keep his eyes from slipping closed, cherishing the welcoming darkness it brought. He was still conscious, but even the simple action of pulling his focus away from the world, if only vaguely, helped to dispel some of his nerves. He’d noticed, in the past, that such small things that offered a feeling of peace could comfort the worst of things. Vax wasn’t sure if he was the only one, though, he suspected he was. After missions, as the rest of the team drank ale or talked to each other or, on a rare occasion, made out in the hallway (damn the next day he walk in on Percival and his sister again), Vax could often be found laying in the common room, eyes closed, hand draped over the edge of the couch above his head.

The cool hands from before gently landed on his shoulder blades, sending a spike of fire across his body that shoved him back to reality. He tried to push Pike away, but she held her position, mumbling something under her breath.

Someone else appeared in front of him, then, pulling his arms away and soothingly massaging his knuckles and wrists. “Focus on this, yeah?” Percy’s tone was gentle, reassuring—completely out of character. Though Vax figured everyone was a little such at the moment. “Try not to think about the pain.”

He was just calming down again when another stab of pain blossomed out from his back. For the sake of his dignity, he tried to keep from crying out again, but only succeeded in wearing his shout down to a pathetic whimper. “Perce—‘ey, whats—augh,  _fuck_...”

Percy flinched at his comment. “What’d I tell you?” He scolded, one hand releasing Vax’s and snapping in front of his face. “Focus here.”

“What did you do, Vax?” Pike’s voice was soft, yet simultaneously concerned all the same.

He shook his head in response, opening his mouth to respond just as a similar sensation from before exploded over him. His gasp came back out as a drawn out sound somewhere between a groan and a sob, his hands tightening on Percy’s on eliciting a hiss from the gunslinger. 

Were he able to  _talk_ ,  Vax would’ve apologized, but he was a little preoccupied fighting back choked sobs. Behind him, Pike chanted something in another language, one that he was too tired to try to identify, her hands once again pressing against his shoulder blades, though this time, some of the pain dissipated. A pain reduction spell, likely; but why not just heal him?

“There’s not much else I can do, not until they’ve grown through completely,” she said softly, clearly talking to Percy and not Vax.

Percy’s hands gently pulled from Vax’s grip and drifted up his forearms, coming to rest just above his elbows. He gently began to rub his thumbs up and down Vax’s arms, offering what little comfort he could. Vax could tell that he was in for another round. How couldn’t he? The pain was already starting to worsen again, Pike wasn’t actually healing him, and  _Percy_ ,  of all people, was comforting him. Percy and, he belatedly noticed, his patron; he couldn’t see Her, but Her hand had come back to rest on his cheek this time, silent.  _I apologize_.

He acknowledged her with little more than a nod. He let out a shaky breath through gritted teeth and tried to focus on something other than the sensation in his back. It was definitely a challenge. While he tried to force his consciousness to wander, the front of his brain refused to break concentration, and he only ended up finding his way back along the broken path on which the pain lie. He heard Pike say something and realized that he’d gone back to his previous state of not breathing.

“Vax, tell me the best way to steal a stored weapon from a noble.”

Vax was certainly confused at the question. Partially because he didn’t know why the hell that was important right now, and partially because Percy didn’t steal things. But he’d indulge the idiot nonetheless. “Heh,  _ you  _ wouldn’t,” he grumbled, “but I—I’d sneak in either during the day, or— _gah_...”

Another stab reverberated through his body, sending an uncontrollable shiver racking across his body. Like before, it was as if his bones were shifting and clicking into different places in his back, like they were making room for— oh.  “Vax?” Percy cut in, tone sharp. “What next?”

He disregarded the comment with no interest, focusing on the Raven Queen instead. “Fuck—you... I’ve already got the armor, how—how the  _ hell  _ is this supposed to  _help_?”  It took a lot longer than he would’ve hoped for his comment to escape him, words only partially coherent and tone shaky, but he got his point across.

_ I did say I was sorry.  _ She almost sounded amused. And that just pissed him off more.  _ You will thank me, Vax’ildan, when the process is complete. _

Before he could even think to respond, another tearing of his skin sent his vision falling out of focus, forced a scream from his throat, fingernails digging into whatever it was he was gripping onto. Spreading down his back from where it had started to hurt, he could feel his skin stretching and splitting apart.

It seemed to last half as long, though, this time, and he was left gasping for air, muscles falling slack. Pike reached up to his head and brushed his hair out of the way of his face, using her sleeve to wipe the sweat from his forehead. “You said you’d sneak in during the day. What then?” Percy pressed.

Vax could see through it, now. He knew Percy was trying to distract him. While he was too tired to think about thievery, though, he was  _ definitely  _ too tired to try to argue. “Use the sewers,” he breathed, “or a window.”

“Okay, I can see how that would make sense.”

“Maybe knock out a butler, if he’s there.”

“What if it’s, like, a cleaning maid?”

Vax furrowed his brow, blinking. He didn’t really know how to respond to that... obviously, he wasn’t going to hit some cleaning lady. He had a moral code, unlike some people they’d come across. Though, he usually tended to avoid encounters completely. 

Percy’s hands suddenly tightened on his arms and, as if on cue, the pain washed over him a third time just a brief second after. He didn’t have the energy to scream, this time; all he could manage was a drawn out groan. His muscles on his shoulders tensed as much as they could, his hands tightening forcefully on Percy’s arms again. Pike traced intricate designs on his head, weaving her fingers through his hair. Vax was aware that the Raven Queen was no longer at his side, though he wasn’t sure when She left. His vision was fading to black by the time the pain dulled back down. 

He was too tired.

“We’re good,” Pike’s words were like a heavenly chorus to his ears.

Barely a second had passed before a faint glow lit up the room and the throbbing, the stabbing, flaming pain left him all at once. He fell bonelessly limp, muscles falling slack as relief fell over him in a blanket. Pike’s hands went back to his head, pulling his hair back again and, this time, using whatever she had with her to tie it away from his face in a simple loose braid. Percy’s arms pulled away from Vax’s loosened grip.

Vax just laid there. He was finally able to breathe, to lay still and think, to focus on his thoughts and his senses without being pushed down and thrown around by the torturous sensation that had left him crippled for what felt like a week. He could focus on Pike’s hands swiftly and smoothly weaving his hair away. He could focus on Percy’s thumbs grazing over the backs of his knuckles. He could focus on the inhale and exhale that brought long-desired air into his lungs. He could focus on the light brush of feathers against his bare back, though some were cold from the blood on the floor.

Vax let his eyes drift open, pushing himself up off the floor with what little strength he had left. Percy helped steady him as he nearly keeled over. Adrenaline hangover, Vax thought humorlessly. As his vision cleared, he turned and looked up to see the rest of the team keeping their distance in the hallway. Even his sister, who looked about ready to leap forward and punch him in the face for scaring her. Vax forced a tired smile onto his face and stretched his arms out in a welcoming gesture that she accepted in an instant. Vex leapt forward, skidding to her knees and pulling him into her arms. “Don’t do that again, you bastard,” she said into his shoulder, to which a low chuckle rumbled from the gunslinger kneeling to his right.

Vax met Percy’s gaze then Pike’s in turn, attempting to convey his gratitude through his gaze. “Thank you,” he said softly, directed at them both.

He shifted as Vex pulled away from him, wincing as it pulled at the still-healing muscles in his back, but it was infinitely more bearable than what he was living though only moments before. He could feel his shoulders and chest shaking with each exhale as the adrenaline made its way out of his system. Vex reached a hand out to gently stroke the feathers at the top of his wing. Vax shuddered a little at the strange feeling that followed; not uncomfortable, just...  _new_.  And different.

“Well, unless you want to be scraping dried blood off your feathers for the next week,” Pike’s voice rang out, cutting through the silence, “then you’ll have to go clean those up as soon as possible.”

Vax’s gaze trailed uncomfortably to the floor, where his blood was splattered and pooled all across the tiles. “I, uh... I can clean this...”

“Don’t worry about it,” Scanlan stepped into the room, and Grog hesitantly followed after him. Keyleth lingered behind. “Grog and I, we’ll get it. Take care o’ yourself, right?”

“He looks a little tired,” Percy said, taking his right shoulder as Vex took his left and they both helped hoist him to his feet.

“I’ll help with your wings, Vax,” Keyleth finally spoke up, hesitantly. “If you would like.”

Vax was about to decline, but as he considered the idea of trying to clean  _ anything  _ at the moment, as exhausted as he was, he knew that he’d have to be crazy to pass up the offer. He gave a small, grateful nod. “Thank you.”

As she stepped towards him, reaching a hand out to guide him away, Vax spared one last glance at the room. His sister, Vex’ahlia, to his left, expression full of concern but pride at the same time. Percival to his right, an encouraging smile present on his features even after the stress of having to deal with Vax beforehand. Pike, standing a few feet behind Percy, eyes downcast in relief and shoulders slumped tiredly, but she still stood there all the same. Scanlan and Grog, both sparing small glances in his direction before kneeling down and starting to clean up the mess that he’d caused, without any hesitation or visible frustration. Keyleth, in front of him, a welcoming and reassuring smile on her features as she reached out towards him. His team, the Vox Machina, all way to good for him, and yet, they were concerned for him, quick to help him, and loving all the same. Then, for a brief moment, he could have sworn he saw the Raven Queen, lingering by the door. She gave him a nod, then vanished from view.

As he stumbled towards Keyleth and she led him from the room, his mind racing but his heart calm, he sent a final prayer for the night.

_ I may not see it, yet, but I do trust You. And I thank You . _

Vax could hear the smile in her tone as she responded.  _ It was my pleasure, My Champion. _

**Author's Note:**

> “my pleasure beating the crap out of you”
> 
> Thanks for reading!


End file.
